Well, it flew by like a candy wrapper caught in a hurricane but i'm back now from the Amsterdam and Stockholm gigs.

JIm Jeffries and I had a blast in Amsterdam at Toomler . For starters we had a great gig on night number one, and on our night off we got up to no good in the red light district. Of course when I say 'no good' it was all good! Oh yeah, and just to brag, the Amsterdam Hilton ain't too shabby either. Maybe next time I'll try to stay sober enough to stumble up to John and Yoko's room. Can't believe I didn't make it and I was in the same frikkin hotel!

As for Sweden, it was quite the experience being the only english speaking comedian on a stand up bill for the guys at RAW. I tried my best to follow along by interpreting body language. Some things never change across cultures. I'm pretty sure the pelvic thrusting meant knob jokes but I still don't know the punch lines!!

They liked that I did a bit o' local for them too. I'm actually really happy with how the TV taping went because I took a pretty big risk by trying local material about their Vasa Museum but it paid off really well. It's basically a 17th century war ship that sank before it even went 1 nautical mile. Pretty Easy to mock. It was adorned with tons of bronze statues, basically a nautical pimp my ride gone wrong. If you dress your skinny kid like Mr.T, don't be surprised when he sinks in the pool!

Well, it's sunday and I'm getting ready to head to The Haverhill Arts Centre, but man do I wish I had the night off! It's not a smart thing for me to book in these sundays on the back of the working weekend I've just done. I think I've done 13 gigs since wednesday. It's been a lot of hussle and very little recollection of what I've done at each gig.

The Comedy Store was great this weekend. I especially enjoyed the early show on saturday. Mostly because someone took offence to Adam Hills before I got on. How on earth can Adam Hills offend you!!?! Adam opened with a joke about deaf people being racist which went down like an anchor because someone knew someone else who had one time got their kids baby sat by someone who was deaf, or something like that...... you know how it happens.

Anyway, I couldn't help but open with my deaf stripper routine,....and I had a pretty damn good time.

The one thing I've learned is that next time I'm playing the store I probably won't try to double and triple up gigs in between so much. It was a bit stressful trying to drive to kingston, and putney, and clapham on time. In fact, all of those gigs still wound up being about 10 minutes late, and I barely got back to the store in time for my late slot! Next time I think I'll just chill out and enjoy the Store. And speaking of driving.....off to haver hill!

I love that I was born in the 70's. In fact all birth years before the new millennium are exciting because they can be stated firmly as '75, or '82 or '91. Cool years.

Children born in this decade have boring years to state; '08, '05, 01, boo. I'm already not looking forward to the conversations I'm having with them in 20 years when I'm trying to sleep with them.

"when were you born?"
"2008"
"you kids today, you take too long to answer your questions!"

Well, the trip to Dublin was a good one. I think it's quickly become my favorite European city. It's definitely not the place to try and stay sober in! I've crawled back to London now and I'm supposed to go out tonight to celebrate my birthday, but I feel like I've drunk my years quota right now. .....but gimme a few hours and I'll be ready to go!

Oh yeah, on thursday, while flying out, I got in big trouble at the airport. I didn't realise the 'wanker' was a swear word...... and I might have muttered it under my breath after a confrontation with one of the securty people, and that caused a frenzy of power tripping bullshit from the rest of the staff at the metal detector. I just think that if your belt isn't made of metal, then you shouldn't have to take it off!!

I managed to pass through the detector without it going off as well, and then the 'wanker' came through the other side and made me do it again because he noticed I hadn't removed my metal-less belt.

I got held by security because I thought this was blatant baiting for a confrontation and I refused to apologise for calling him a wanker. It was like grade 5 all over again. Man, they all must have been bored there.

I eventually had to apologise in order to get my flight...... and as I left I muttered under my breath.....'knob'.

That's not an abusive swear word right?

well, it was one of the highlights of my year last year but this year Bestival turned out to be a complete nightmare. With the torrential rain on day 1 the whole place turned quickly from festival to survival camp. Most of us were cowering in our tents in fear that the wind was going to rip them from the ground at any moment, and the rain caused about 2 feet of mud all around the site.

I have to say that most of us in the clown congregation still had a really good time despite all the set backs. Our performance tent was cancelled for the weekend because it was poorly placed in what turned out to be a muddy lake. (The combination of electricity and people standing in 2 feet of mud wasn't really a good idea.) so, because of the lack of responsibility we were able to get the party going early and all night, not that we really have that much responsibility any way! I guess it was just a treat to not find yourself hanging out back stage at the gig all night, because that usually is a comedian's default destination.

Today I've mostly spent catching up on small odds and ends, oh yeah, and washing about 50 pounds of mud out of my clothing! Good times!!

Well, it's all over now. The wrap parties were good fun and I wish I had planned to stay in Edinburgh a little bit longer because everyone was in great spirits. I remembered feeling in a rush to get out of the city last year, so it's too bad that I felt the opposite this year when I had actually made the plans for an early departure. I guess you can't win 'em all.

Mind you, the decision to leave town and drive through the night seemed like a pretty crazy one, until I finally crawled in my door at 1030 am, then it felt incredibly rewarding. There's nothing like your own bed! That traffic in Luton for about an hour at 830 almost killed me! I'd hate to do that every day.

Overall, I'm feeling good about Edinburgh. I've got some fresh ideas bouncing around in my head now and I can't wait to hit the clubs for what is going to feel like extremely short sets! starting with Bow tonight.

I tell ya tho, my sleep is royally screwed up tho. I've been up since 2am and it's currently 7am. Is this supposed to be one of those hidden benefits of the Edinburgh marathon? I doubt it!
I don't know if Kentucky Fried Chicken and playing a couch potato is going to help, but that is my choice of post Ed activity for now!

Oh yeah, before I talk about Spank, I'd just like to say that my Friday night audience was my favorite of the run. Whoever you all were, I hope you got eachothers numbers, because you were one of the most fun-loving, spontaneous and infectiously adventurous audiences I've ever had at a fringe. We went off in wicked tangents, and I just had a blast trying to stick to my show. It was just what I needed after performing this thing for three weeks straight!

Anyroad, Spank was great fun last night. Sorry to the girls who I had to rip in to at the start of the set, but you were chatting through everyone else's sets so I knew I'd have to shut you up. ........maybe shouldn't have inferred your big-bonedness,......but I needed to halt your chatter.

I've been loving the energy that is coming out of Spank! I think it's the best late night gig at the fringe. In a way, it can be a bit of what Late n Live used to be, because of the variety, the energy, the hot and sweatty discomfort of the room as it packs in the people.

Well, here we go. Saturday night's audience,.....if you're half as good as last night's we're about to have a ripper of a show!

As you may or may not know, The Jim Rose Circus is performing here at the festival for the month as well. In his show, he has a lady who comes out on stage and launches a 5 foot stream of blue paint out of her ass. She didn't drink it I'm sure, she loads up before appearing on stage.

Anyway, I seemed to catch myself in conversations constantly last night about whether or not that is a bonafide skill. Most of the men are indifferent and most of my female friends think it's a croc of shit (pardon the pun). Trust me ladies, butt-regurgitation is not as easy as you're making it out to be.

Friends (and you Claire in particular) I think you're just jealous to see a woman succeeding at her passion!!

Ha ha, Long live the fringe!! xx

grrrr I hate this internet cafe now! This will be the second time I've had to type out this entry now. Annoying! I don't even know why it deleted everything! Grrr

Anyway, my audiences have been dry and happy for 3 days in a row now. Yay! Comedy is so much easier out of the rain. But on the other hand, as the attendance to my show has grown, so too has the heat. I'm pretty much telling jokes in a sauna now. I had a woman pass out last night which is a bit dangerous......so my trusty technician Paul Byrne has told me that I'll be wielding a fan on stage tonight. Hope it works......I don't want to start asking for the rain back!!

Oh yeah, and some great reviews for the show in the last 24hrs. I've tried to cut and paste but am having no suck luck. Fucking cafe!! If you want to check one out, you'll have to google Metro Fringe Reviews yourself.

Anyway, I'm feeling the momentum and this final stretch to the Fest should be a good one. Oh yeah, I'm also playing Best Of The Fest tonight for any JJ fans who are up here.

I better post this before something happens

Stay dry eh!

This rain is driving me nuts!!!

There happens to be a touch of sunshine outside right now and I'm hoping it can stick around at least until my show.

It is so much harder to make these cold and wet audiences laugh, and let's face it, my theatre is a bit like a sauna too, so after about ten minutes of my show the audience has gone from cold and wet to hot and wet. edinburgh isn't a gruelling month because of all the competition up here, but because it is rarely providing a good environment for comedy.

I'm sweatin my ass off for my audience tho! I've been getting some great reviews and the numbers have been slowly building. I say slowly because we're going to have to blame that on the rain too!! This is one of the wettest and slowest starts to Edinburgh that I can remember. I don't read my reviews personally, but i have seen some good quotes plastered up on my posters around the Underbelly, so that's enough of a relief.

I did an E4 radio podcast yesterday with Reg D hunter too by the way, so keep your eyes out for that on Itunes. It was recorded at 10am, so you can probably hear my voice cracking as I struggle to stay awake. What an insane time for comedy.............. mind you, It was in my actual room that I'm performing in, so it was interesting to see that it can be dry!

well, it's week #1 and I'm sick of this rain already!! Five minutes in to my show and i'm soaked already! Come on!! I think my cotton clothing is acting like a sponge in these moist damp venues that we're trying to perform in. It's not good when a comic can't tell whether it's sweat or moisture from the walls!

I've got a leak starting to drip from the ceiling in my room too. Like a little chinese water torture test for myself. Just what we need in Edinburgh.

I've never looked forward to the first official weekend so much!! I'm hoping it'll clear up and the crowds will start to show up. This rainy bleakness must end!

It's beenb a busy couple of days too. Matt Kirshen and I traded shows last night. He came and checked mine out and then we jumped in a cab and went to the Assembly Rooms for his. It's an embarassing thing to admit, but even though we were 30 minutes early for his show, I still managed to come in late! Some friend I am. It was my first time in the Assembly rooms this year, and I somehow got distracted in the bar. I finally looked down at my watch about a minute after the cue had gone in. I don't think I was too much of a distraction, he was rocking it when I came in and I was just waiting for everyone to stare at me, but luckuily I was slightly stealthy. Great show Matt, I especially liked the stories about his 'sometimes fundamentally jewish family'.

Oh yeah, I also did Late night show SPANK the other night and Myspace was in doing some filming when I had a couple of hecklers for dinner. They should be posting it up I think, so keep your eyes peeled.

I'm off for now. Bring on the Weekend!!!!

Just finished up my Sunday gig and I've got to head over to the BBC stand up show in a few minutes to do a slot there.

Tonights show was really good and the crowd had excellent energy. I'm really impressed to see people coming back to see me who were at the Tron last year. The room is already getting hotter and hotter each night. Tonight, at about the 5 minute mark I wasn't sure if I was sweating profusely already, or just gathering moisture from the room. One thing for sure, I was soakin wet by the end.

I like the little behind the scenes dramas that crop up every year and right now we've got a great 'you steal from us, we steal from you' thing going with the venue next door. I keep having to sneak through and steal the mic stand that's over there, because it seems to be the only proper stand up comedy mic stand in the building! All the other stands around are of the musical ilk, with the 3 prongs at the bottom and loads of clips and joints (for fitting around instruments). I just wand a solid base and 1 stand straight up and down because I'm not needing to make any room for a guitar. Tonight after the gig we're going to have to hide it. Let the games begin. Ahhhhh Edinburgh!

One down and something like 28 to go!!

i did the 7 hour drive up without any real hassle, but man is it ever a work humping a month's worth of crap up and down from 2 top floor flats at either end of Britain! Not to mention that since I'm one of the few driving, I had bags belonging to others as well. It wa a bit of a work out, but totally worth it. Our flat here in Edinburgh is pretty spacious, even if it does take a few minutes to climb up these epic staircases to the top.

I'm living with Nick Doody, Matt Kirshen and Glenn Wool for the month, so it should be fun. We all hung out back at the flat last night after our shows and managed to polish off the months worth of booze. So, even though we had no regrets at 630 am when we went to bed, our hangovers tell a different tale today!!

My first show went really well. I've thrown in a few new lines that came up quite spontaneously which I'll be doing my best to remember tonight. I'm really happy with the general arc of the show tho and tonight being the first friday......the fest should really kick off, so I'm going to try and throw all my energy at the show tonight.

Oh yeah, Late n Live also starts tonight. It's Edinburgh's notorious Late stand up bear pit........ and guess what idiot has agreed to play it?!? That's right. So, wherever you are at 1:30am tonight, please spare a thought for me because I could be getting bottled off at Late n Live!! Nah, I'm sure it'll go fine.......I just haven't decided If I'll be doing it intoxicated or not yet. I guess I'll let my mood after my solo show decide. ......but I am thinking that the more drunk you are, the less the bottles hurt!!

Ok, I'm leaving for Edinburgh in the morning and I'm starting to get a little anxious now. I'm doing one more previw down at the Kingshead in a couple hours and that'll hopefully work the last couple of kinks out.

The reviewers are worrying me a bit today but maybe it's just an 'on the eve of' thing, because I usually don't let them get to me. It's just that they're never right anyway. And it's not like I do it for them.

I'm really enjoying my show but I can already see what the lazy journalist is going to try to pick holes in. Yes, I'll be talking about everyday observations. boo hoo. Maybe if they improve their short hand they could do more than just write down the topic that I'm discussing just in time for them to hear my next topic......because then they get home and look at their notes and can't remember what it was that I said. I guess I'm just saying that a bad reviewer can make us look worse than we are!! I guess that's not old news.
Sometimes a reviewer dedicates more words to discrediting one of my jokes than it does for me to tell it!!

Anyway, this is just an 'on the eve of' panic. I'll be fine tomorrow. I'm going to hit the ground running at Edinburgh and I'm not looking over my shoulder........the show is ready and it's funny,...that's what matters right!?!

I don't think Scooter drivers should be able to wedge their tiny little motorised pussy pushers in behind our cars in parking lanes!! Man, I clobbered someones scooter while backing out of my spot in Brighton on Sunday night. Don't worry......I left a note, but man am I ever angry. The thing was totally invisible in my rearview mirror.

I actually thought I had a good 20 feet of room too, so I got some good power built up with my Ford Escort battering ram! I'm sure to any observer it would have looked like something out of a National Lampoons film. The scooter even had one of those cheesy little british flags on the side (totally unrecognizeable by the time my american made bumper plowed it over!).

If you're going to drive a wimpy little people pusher make sure you park it where we can see. Don't hide it behind our bumpers you jack ass! ......... your check is in the mail xx

well, there is about 2 weeks left until the Edinburgh madness kicks off. I've got a couple more previews left to do, but the process of refining the show definitely isn't just left to the stage at this point. I'm seriously at that point now where someone REALLY has to hold my attention in a conversation or I'll start to drift off and rehearse the show in my frikkin head. This means that I'm often feeling useless in social situations, but what can I do eh!?! 2 weeks!!

So, I'm currently packing up for my cousin's wedding in ottawa.

I've got a new ipod thingy to keep my addresses and schedule in. Time to join the information era.

I'll be at my friends place and he sends me his address over messenger.

The cut and paste doesn't seem to work so I line up both windows to transcribe it.

A new messenger message pops up in the middle of my typing only to cut the address off.

When I click back on the original message, the window has moved on as he's still been typing away, so I start to scroll up only to get cut off again on his next entry.

The window closes by mistake now for some reason.

So I wrote it down instead

Now I'm still taking a note pad with me to Ottawa

I've been working here in Manchester all week. Answer me this; Why is it always on the last night in the hotel that you finally figure out the cryptic lighting and switches scenario in your room!?!

I've been going one on three off, two on two off all week, but it turns out that each of the three main switches controls each of the switches to each of the lights on each of the three walls...... ah. I'm slowly going crazy

Well, we're about a week in to the comedy festival here in Auckland and the crowds are great so far. I'm finding everyone to be much more energetic in the audience this time around. There seems to be lss of that self conscious Kiwi conservatism going around, so I think the party is going to surpass even last year's heights.

If anyone wants to check out the interview that I did for the Herald online, here's the link; NZ Herald Interview

by the way, I have incredibly nappy hair in it because I got rained on hard on my way to the interview. I promise I wasn't trying to look that dorky!! ......and no, it's not a bad wig.

Well, I'm back from the United Arab Emirates now. Pretty exhausting flight, but it's always easier when the plane is half full. I hate having to be wedged in some fat man's armpit. I've got a bit of a tan right now too, so it's going to be hard to convince the comedy store audience tonight that i actually live in britain.

My sleep is pretty screwed up right now from passing in and out consciousness on the flight and also having to adapt to really shit sleeping patterns while doing that UAE tour. The thing is that you get used to sleeping for about 3 hours once you get back from the gig, then getting up to travel, then hopefully catching 2 hours before your show and then the pattern repeats itself. It really makes you enjoy the 2-3 days when there is no travelling at all!

Sleeping on a plane is never easy, but luckuily i just listened to the new Rush album while i was passing in and out of consciousness for the 7 hours. sweet

Well, I don't have much time left at this little internet cafe now (even though I originally came here to do a blog entry) Damn you NHL page!!!!

Things are good here, the sun is blasting and I'm heading to the pool in a minute. Lots of travelling with this mid east tour too. ytoday is actually our first day to get some proper Comedian-style relaxing in!!!!

As I'm sure you could assume, I was terrified of going through customs because everyone has been getting 4 years in prison for having a spec of drugs on the sole of their shoes. Well, I made it through no problem,......mostly because I've developped a strategy of walking behind the most suspicious looking person!!!!

did the Rock charity gig the other night. I think it's safe to say that rock just doesn't mix with comedy. No one can ever tell me that Comedians are high maintenance! Even the lowest maintenance budding rock star still comes in a minimum group of three!

I might have told the Sky people that they were idiots, so they showed up this morning at 8am to take their box back. You know you're in Britain when a company is happy NOT to have your business. I didn't get a trouble shooting phone call or anything!!

Sucks too, because I'm on Sky poker tonight!!

Glasgow was good on the weekend. I did fall off the wagon in spectacular form tho. Oh well, I guess my new years resolution lasted pretty long considering. The Scottish will do that to you! Their whisky is just so tasty!!

Also, I'm hosting a charity gig tomorrow night at Dingwalls in Camden. It's to benefit the relief fund from the fire a couple weeks ago......but really it's just another excuse to party of course! we're gonna have bands and stuff, so come down and check it out if you get a chance.

I've been dreading this kids show all week but it was actually a bit of fun today. I asked the kids what came to mind when they thought of Canadians and they said Maple Syrup and beavers which lead me to the mandatory improvisation of a sticky beaver competition. Ah how we all laughed. I think the adults were laughing for a very different reason than the kids tho

I suck at snowboarding. I just spent the week in the Alps bouncing my skull off of the pretty mountains! Everyone always assumes that I'll be good at hurtling myself down mountains because I'm Canadian. It's a big country! We had lakes where I grew up, no mountains. I can fish!

My head hurts

So I'm driving back from Manchester on the M6 saturday night when I noticed that one of the white headlights that are usually going the opposite direction on the other side of the median happens to be on my side of the median.....in my lane!

He hit his high beams when he was about 100 metres from me, as if to try and tell me that I was in the wrong lane. I was actually passing a truck and a car and was in the outside lane travelling at quite a pace. (I'm not going to give actual numbers because my mom might read this). I slammed on my brakes and narrowly avoided him and managed to fish tail accross both of the other lanes and narrowly avoided the truck on the inside lane. It was absolutely insane, and what is even more annoying is that I don't think I'll ever get the answers as to why I was nearly killed the other night.

I've been turning it over in my head since then..... you'd have to go down 2 roads in the wrong direction in order to get on the M6 in the wrong direction, unless you just pulled a U turn on that side of the median. Was it a drunk driver? A suicide attempt? or a getaway even? About a minute later a cop car raced past me, sirens blaring, going in the right direction,.....so he couldn't have been after my particular knobhead car, right? Something was definitely up!

One thing is for certain even though I'll never have the answers that I want; Growing up in the Nova Scotian snow and doing donuts in the parking lot at Cole Harbour Place definitely does prepare you to maneuver a high speed fish tailing Ford Escort on a slippery M6 at 1145 at night, that's for sure. So kids, get out there and skid your cars around in empty parking lots, don't listen to the adults, it's not a waste of time and it will come in handy some day.

I love you mom x

well, it's been a while since I've made a trip to Belfast but I'll be sure not to wait as long before the next trip. The crowd at the Empire was absolutely rip roarin'. In fact, so much so, that i'm using the term rip roarin'! Thanks for a great night you Guinness drinkin', intimidating accent having freaks. I'll see you guys soon I hope.

By the way, if you ever want to get in to a dispute where you're guaranteed to be right, try spending your Irish pound sterling in an English shop when you get back from Northern Ireland. The English are completely baffled as to why it's called pound sterling and not Euros. It's your country,....you know,... Great Britain,....or do you not remember taking it.

i'm currently sitting at my computer in the roughest shape that I've felt in ages. I went out partying and scaring children last night. (because they deserve it!) what was supposed to be 1am quickly turned in to 7am. dah well, I guess that's why I never wanted a day job....

I've put some new clips up on my youtube account if anyone wants to check them out.

Oh yeah, and I've been moved to Camden Jongleurs on Saturday night now, so come on down if you're around

Gotta get back to my hangover now. Later

ok, i've kinda been enjoying just being at home alone for the last couple of nights, but tonight i caught myself talking to my food. That's not good right? Or is it allowed?

basically, is this statement out of place in one's own home?;

"oh, look at you. you're a succulent little chicken breast aren't you. you tasty little thing, all golden and nestled on that little bed of steamed rice"

you get the picture...... fine! i'll go out and socialise tomorrow!

ok, so my car is dying. I basically love my old beater because when you drive a vehicle that has all kinds of parts shaking you are given the illusion of speed.
"wow, you're doors feel like they're going to come off!'
"I know, that's because we're going 22mph!"
Millennium Falcon eat your heart out!
see, we should drive crap cars for the safety!

I've loved him for all he's been worth and he's travelled the length and breadth of these British Isles with me more times than I can count but he's starting to creek and moan more than an old man helping himself in to a hot bath.
I've been talking about 'ol Fred III the Ford Escort' a lot on stage and I just want everyone to know they should believe me.

i'm telling you all this now because I had to get a push start last night after my gig. When I returned to ask for help everyone was surprised. well, believe it baby!!
One of the proudest moments of my career I'm sure!

People of Kings Lynn, I'm on my way to yours right now, I'll try to park on a slight decline, but have you pushin gloves ready!!!

I had to watch 'Married with children' without the sound yesterday for a brief moment. I thought Bud Bundy looked a bit young for a moment and then I realised it was Marcy. I thought to myself "wow, she looks like a young boy". It is only now in my life that I have realised things that Al Bundy tried to teach me so long ago.

So, They gave us Die Hard 4.0 on the plane, and I happened to have put it on my Ipod as well. Noting the opportunity, (because we all know how hard it is to stay entertained on the airplane) I watched both at the same time. well,......the plane version sucks.

So, there it is, I'm sure I'm the only source, but watch the normal version, 21 minutes longer and well worth it. They're ripping us off at Air Canada.

Well, I'm back from Barcelona now. It was a good trip, even though those long travel days in the sun are pretty exhausting.
I have to say the works of Gaudi are very impressive. When you look at his buildings they conjure up memories of doctor seus and make you feel like a kid again. To be honest, I've never felt like much of an art or architecture afficianado, but his work struck a chord with me. Maybe I've got some sort of aesthetic perception yet!!
Also spent plenty of time at the man made beach getting cheap massages and watching the most optimistic surfers in the world paddle their butts off to float on a broken wave for 1.5 seconds. well, everyone needs a hobby!

This is going to sound weird, but my imagination has been feeling quite liberated lately. I guess that might be one of the benefits of doing a month long run at the Edinburgh festival. I guess you don't realise it at the time, but during the whole lead up to Edinburgh, and then during, all that we comics force ourselves to think about is the specific tangents of all the stories we're working on for our shows. It's good to be able to sit back and make stupid connections between things you haven't been thinking about because we're usually sick of our shows by now. I know I am! I guess if you have nothing to concentrate on, you can think about everything.

Well, the weekends on the Isle of wight at Bestival was great. It's a very laid back affair and I have to say it's a bit better than Glastonbury. Maybe its because its that little bit smaller so it feels more intimate, but most importantly it's because a drop of rain didn't fall all weekend!! Sweet! My tent was a bit like a sauna in the sun tho, which isn't good when you're not crashing out until 7!

i have to say that the Beasties were awesome too. A lot of people are complaining about their show but I found it to be very punk. The British indifference to Adam Yauch calling it 'the Isle of Mike' cracked me up. I bet you that would work anywhere else in the world but Britain. That good ol British mean affection.

Well, its been quite a relaxing time since the end of the festival. This might sound like a weird thing, but the best holiday for a travelling comedian can easily be a week at home without leaving what I would like to call the 'bed-radius'.

It has been to be back in London too, I caught Chris Cornell at the Roundhouse in Camden on Monday and I have to say he was brilliant. I thought he was going to be a bit of a let down but he absolutely blew the roof off. Tomorrow I'm heading off to Bestival on the Isle of Wight so it should be quite a musically driven week. I'm told the Beastie Boys are playing!!! Festivals are an interesting beast.

For now, I'm out the door in a couple minutes here to head in to town and meet up with some friends that I haven't seen since I've been up to Edinburgh.....the comedy clubs!! ha ha. Well, I typically do end up at the Comedy Store when I'm out on the town, but I'd like to think it's not a comfort zone thing. I always think that I'd spend my weekends at the comedy clubs even if I wasn't a comic.......but I guess that's what turns you in to a comic eh!?!

I'm sure we'll try something more traditional like O'Reilly's or The Swine and Swill hole first.....but let's see how things progress

Well, that was one hell of a month. It's good to be back home in my own bed now, where I think I might stay, 'Brian Wilson' style for the foreseeable future.

If anyone wants to check our reviews and feedback from my show it is available on the fringe web site, here. It was a great overall run that had a slow start to her this year. I had some real bad luck at the start with my computer frying out of nowhere, which really sucks when you're trying to be your own agent and press. Oh yeah, so that's my excuse for not blogging for the entire month,..... I wasn't feeling too computer friendly. I've been saying to myself that I'll keep staying on top of those things but something always happens to turn me off. In fact, all of my electronic goods that I had up with me in Edinburgh mysteriously died over the course of the month, so we must have been living under a massive magnet or something along those lines. .....or, it's just my bad luck with computers!!!!

I hate them, and in fact I can't wait to get off of this one right now..... speak to you soon tho. Jx
ahhhhh, its great to be home!

Alright, so everything is set for the festival. My bags are packed and sitting by the door right now. I'm just waiting for Jeffries to pick me up and we'll embark on the road trip to the festival.

The show is all set (even though I re-wrote it at the last minute) so it should be a good festival.

I haven't made any blog entries lately because I haven't felt I had anything funny or interesting to say, which is a bad way to feel when you're about to perform a solo show for a month, but I'll do my best to keep on top of it during this run.

Here goes......

Anybody got any bee jokes?

I'm dressing up as a bee tomorrow for ITV's Comedy Cuts so, does anyone have any sweet ideas? So far, all i've got is the idea of telling crap jokes to children and then chastising them for not getting it. .....should work.

I've spent most of today getting ready for 'Bee Man' and sorting out Edinburgh. You can really tell that it's getting close, either by checking my calendar or bank account! just paid my printers a second ago,...can you tell!?

So, you'll notice too, that there's a new page to the site here. My buddy Clark has hooked me up with some links to my other stuff, .....my new edinburgh poster will take you to the tickets for my new edinburgh show, etc.... I'm sure you get it

Ok, here's a little quiz to explain why I hate the Canadian tax so much. It's not the money, it's the manner.

Where would you shop;
Shop A has products that cost 5 bucks, and shop B has the same stuff at a cost of 3 bucks, but every time you leave the shop some guy punches you in the face and takes another buck off you.

Why don't places in Canada just add the tax in to the price they give us. It makes the 'fakey hospitality act' that store clerks put on even more annoying when you get stung for 17% more because you said "how much does this cost?" instead of "how much does this cost after tax?"

Guess what?!? Something doesn't cost 200 dollars when it costs 234 dollars. I'm sorry it slipped my mind, but I try not to constantly think of tax. But to be honest, I would have gladly paid 240 from the start to save myself the annoyance of being so blatantly taxed. I think it would help the Canadian tourism industry if they just had price tags with the tax included. Leave the tax calculation for the accountants. Instead, we annoy visitors.

Welcome to Canada,...yes it is cheap here.......surprise!!

Well, it's my country's 140th birthday, and we celebrated in style down on the Halifax waterfront. We spent most of the day at the Lower Deck , before visiting the waterfront warehouse, and then catching the fireworks from a terriffic balcony spot in the north end. We even came out of the casino as winners at 5 in the morning (15 bucks up!!!), even though I didn't know what was going on by then!

Happy Canada Day

Well, the weekend at Yuk Yuks Halifax was really enjoyable. Lots of old friends and family made it out to the gig, so it was just as rewarding as it was pressure filled. Evenings after the show were filled with nostalgic drunken partying at my old haunts, and a bit ofstreet meat to top the night off and betray the stomach! My girlfriend even got treated to a bit of a street fight at 3 in the morning,.....around one minute after she said to me "you guys aren't nearly as white trash here as I thought you'd be". I love my city.

I feel like I'm gigging non stop right now man. It's probably because when I'm not gigging I'm working on my show. The preview last night in Cambridge went really well. ....even better than planned actually. I always feel like I'm gonna have to resort to sex jokes in front of a younger crowd, but last night I stuck to my guns and avoided that crowd pleasing default move. The show even ran 5 minutes over, so I figure I just need to trim a little fat and then we've got ourselves an Edinburgh show. This is probably the earliest I have ever been this ready!! .....still a ways to go tho

This weekend I'll be doing regular, good 'ol crowd pleasin club stuff at the Bow jongleurs and The Big Night out in Piccadilly if anyone wants a laugh

laters

I went down to the 100 club last night to check out David Cross and Friends . If you like your comedy with a lighter edge to it, this is definitely the gig for you. I'm a fan of all the performers on the bill, especially Todd Barry . I worked with him a few years ago in Australia, and he was on great form, I seem to recall him having 5 minutes on why dredd locks suck, which made it pretty hard to follow him! You can check him out roasting Chevy Chase here .

Anyroad, theyre in town for another week, so check them out if you get a chance. I hope they start turning that air conditioner off down there too, because with such sublime performers, you really don't want the constant whirrr of electronics over head! I would have rather been hot

ok, so it's also weird doing a preview at 10:30 when your slot at the festival is scheduled for 7:30!!! All together, I think my preview last night in, wherever I was, went very well. The show clocked in at 55 minutes, which would be perfect, but there was definitely a lot of "well, that gag didn't work" laughter. So, basically I think I've got to get some fat trimmed and try to add another anecdote to bring the show up to a solid 55....... back to the drawing board...... preview number 2 is thursday in Cambridge

I sometimes find it hard to see the point of doing previews for our Edinburgh shows. I can understand that it's a necessary evil that can SOMETIMES help us work through the kinks in our shows but i find that they rarely provide enough answers to make it worth while. The thing is that there is usually a bit of a stench of defeat in the room already because the audience knows that they are going to see a work in progress, and that is if you're lucky enough to have 'your' audience. I'm finding lately that the best way to get an audience to laugh at an edinburgh preview is to let your material flop (whether it be new or old) and then after a brief pause say "well, that didn't work very good it!?!....well, it'll be gold by the time I take it to edinburgh!".

Anyroad.... I've got an Edinburgh preview in Barnes (near Hammersmith) tomorrow night. Hoorah

Well, it has become that time of year. The current running order for my Edinburgh show is now thumbtacked to my wall, staring at me, where it will remain until the day I get back from the festival,....some time in september. It is taking up 12 A4 sheets in three rows, with tag lines such as; deaf strippers, People who are dicks, Fancy Hand shakes, and Xfactor Olympics. I know that the fest is still two months away, but this is a bit of a tradition. I always stick it up on my wall at the start of the summer so that the 2 or 3 (let's call it 2.5) glaring holes in the set list can goad me in to submission over the coming weeks. I guess this makes it night number one of this thing staring at me in my sleep.

The only reason why I wear my clothes until they're practcally unravelled is just so that my new clothes will be even newer when I buy them!

One of the great things about being home is the small little routines (which are completely irrelevent to the rest of the world) that you can slip back in to. One such routine for me is my lunch time break from my writing/procrastinating in order to go to the tiny independent cafe down the street and get one of their delicious salt beef sandwiches. Mmmm salt beef.
You can imagine my shock and dismay when I walked in to the shop today, and it was no longer my cafe. I stared at the kebab guy, and he stared back at me, and I stared at the menu in dismay while he still stared at me while sharpening his greasy kebab knife. I even walked out the door, looked around and re-entered the place in hopes that maybe I went in the wrong door, was in the twilight zone, or needed to reset the matrix or somethin.
"what happened to the cafe and the smiley women that worked here?"
"We change, we are kebab shop now"
"no more salt beef sandwiches?"
"no, chicken shish, lamb shish, chips"
"I can't think of a less appealing lunch on a monday"
"with sauce"
There's already four kebab shops on that corner!! What a shitty way to start your week. I'm annoyed now!

Well, I'm back in the UK, and no signs could be more obvious than the frowns on everyones faces. Tacked on top of my marathon flight was an extremely frustrating tube journey with replacement buses in order to lug my suitcase home. Just unlucky I guess, but my plane touched down at 2:15 and I didn't get in my door until 6! Ahhh London.

I watched plenty of films on the flight, but I won't dare comment on them just in case my opinion has been severely altered by altitude and intercontinental Alcohol,..... not to mention sleep deprivation. "oh yeah, that Ricki Lake film is a real tear jerker!"

The dude next to me was buggin me a bit too, just because all he did was stare at the flight itinerary on the screen for the whole 12 hours from Hong Kong to London. It was weirdin me out man! Watch a film or somethin for cryin out loud. or at least play solitaire. freak!